“The new Florida park is a blast unless you weight 137 to 147 pounds: that sweet spot leads to systematic bodily destruction,” said our local whistle blower. Anyone that size will get punished. In one visit you may get: – […]
We stood on the long Chipotle line, watching ingredients being dumped onto tortillas. There was an odd tension in the air. Customers ask for extra scoops of toppings. The workers try to scoop as little as possible. It’s a game […]
“The modern world revolves around chemical development. Chemicals are everywhere, from toothpaste, to glue, to every type of plastic and new age fabric. We need them to support our way of life,” said Mark Anthony, FDA spokesperson. “We all understand […]
Tragedy has struck White House plumbing in what was initially thought to be a terrorist attack. “There was a moment when I thought I was going to die,” said the President in an urgent press message. The prolonged sound of […]
“Might as well take them off the truck and dump them straight into the trash,” said product reviewer Tim Bimm. “They design this garbage in Autocad, and run the design straight off the factory line without a single test. The […]
“Winning is my best look, never forget I’m a killer. The rematch will end in death,” said a 9 foot tall mecha Mike Tyson in a dimly lit, run-down hotel room. The look in Iron Mike’s eyes was different: there […]
“Senator Lincoln Demark speaks loudly and with absolute conviction. But, for an entire week we fact checked his statements from every angle. 98% of what he says is completely wrong. We tricked him into a psych assessment to see if […]
Jamall Bomeo has 9 foot long dreadlocks, bundled casually on top of his head. “It’s been that way for as long as I remember,” said his friend Razna Modavia. “I shave my head once a week, with a tight fade […]
“Meteorites can be quit valuable, and there are hunters who track them down. People travel to scan the soils where shooting star sightings have been reported. This week, a strange space rock made it to Earth. So many people had […]
The two soda giants have merged their classic recipes into one drink. “The result is a new drink called Port Deuce. It honestly tastes like s#it,” said one reviewer. “It’s like the company boards of both brands drink way too […]
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