Rolling Coal Advocates Die of Smoke Inhalation: Medical Anomaly

A few men across the country are hooking up rolling coal kits to their car, making enormous billowing clouds of black smoke pour out of their truck exhaust pipes among traffic. It has been declared a protest to climate change discussions which they naturally question or deny altogether.

Some “coalers” as they call themselves, love to blow so much smoke they are developing breathing issues, just like long term cigarettes smokers. We don’t fully understand the difference between breathing petrol smoke, and smoking tobacco, but we have found evidence that petrol may be far worse.

Every coal-roller that has died of smoke inhalation shares one or two medical phenomenon, diagnosed with either a reduced brain size (Neanderthal Syndrome), or a severely retracted penis and medial cases of “ultra tiny testicles”.  Some have all symptoms. This has only been seen in one other demographic: those guys who install oversized train horns in their cars, and use them to scare people as they drive by. Those men always autopsy with incredibly tiny, shrunken genitalia, nearly invisible to the human eye. It’s a crazy coincidence but we think there is a correlation to these types of behavior and vanishing D-n-B’s, as the kids are calling it. The longer these men roll-coal or use these insanely loud the horns, the smaller the brains or the smaller the family jewels are whenever medics get to them for whatever reason, smoke inhalation or otherwise. We can only assume there is some kind of toxin the smoke, and some kind of vibrational issues with the train horn that affects to special tissues of the body. It’s just too obvious to discount.

Some have questioned whether the medical condition actually preceded the rolling of coal, but no expert we could find was willing to find out. Perhaps another story to follow up.