Religious Renegades Battle ‘Demons’ to the Death

32 large burly Midwestern men gathered in what they labeled the “Beginning Tribunal”. In downtown Indianapolis, passersby stand afar, watching as swords, machine guns, and a series of spartan spears annihilate 72 mysterious objects that some say looked at first like demons flying through the air.

“It wasn’t clear what was going but they clearly had some kind of ring leader who shot off the first guns. He fired them into the air and then switched on some kind of machine.”

Smartphone footage began hitting live streams as the large, aggressive men prepared themselves quickly, creating make-shift phalanxes, with a few shields and the long spears. As the large round machine ran, we start to see large oddly shaped black objects rise from the ground. It almost looked like the ring leader was either opening or closing some kind of porthole.

“Some people were calling it a porthole, but I know a fog machine and a industrial fan when I see one,” said Tim Spooley, part time DJ and full time factory worker. “I see both those machines in my line of work, fans as tall as me to cool the warehouse in the summer, and fog machines for when the DJ drops the beat. I knew what he was doing.”

As the group of men began slashing, hacking, stabbing, and shooting at the black flow-y objects, the spectators were overwhelmed and some were clearly shell shocked.

“I mean, this is in downtown. It’s crazy. Those demons didn’t put up much of a fight, but there were so many of them. The men really were working hard. I’m just glad they didn’t shoot any of the people,” said Sally Ocho, florist.

After a 13 minute battle all of the demons were ripped to shreds, laying down on the ground, looking almost two dimensional. Some wondered if the demon bodies were like little portals back to the underworld.

“When the fighting men were finished, they gathered and began some kind of honor ceremony. All kinds of weapon movement, like a rally of some kind. That’s when it was really clear the ring leader was not taking part, but on the side laughing hysterically.”

When the swat team arrived they didn’t move in for a while, they saw the threat pressure simmered; they just observed for a while. The group of men didn’t resist or fight when the swat team moved in, and they all lowered their weapons to the ground. Soon followed the sheriff and eventually the police psychologists were called in. Three hours later the report was made public to quell the uproar on social media.

“I’m Sheriff Dixon and I wanted to report a flawless actions of the swat team in calming a very strange situation. It was discovered today that 32 large schizophrenic men were coaxed to form a small ultra religious group, manipulated by their own fake caretaker into performing an apocalyptic battle in the downtown area of the city. The ring leader named Albert Mucheesy, a lifelong resident of the Dubois Insane Asylum, used industrial fans to inflate and float 72 objects he created from trash bag that resembled demons. As we see from the videos, the schizophrenic men then began to perform a fairly brilliant military maneuver right in the streets under the false impression that these garbage bags were in fact real demons released from a smokey inter-dimensional portal. The men are in state custody and care, having harmed no human, it has yet to be determined what the outcome of the matter will yield.”

We conducted a random interview survey of those who believe the men should see prison time, or be released into psychiatric care alone.

Dewane Markey shared with us, “I just want those men around for when the real demons show their faces. I say train them up.”

“I saw it from my high rise office window, and it was awesome,” said Mayor Cinthia Burman, “better than the Metallica concert I saw last week. I didn’t realize the Spartans used such a sophisticated battle system, I guess I’ll have to watch that movie 300 again, sh#t yeah.”