Political Target Called ‘Do-Do Head’ wins $64.1 Trillion Dollar Settlement

Mary Castaneda was considered a diligent worker, loyal to the mayor’s office she served. Months ago, she was devastated at the continuous flow of online comments calling her ‘Do-Do Head’, an effort directed at her by a political rival. She recounts the trauma, “I never had do-do on my head in my life, not once. Having 19.3 million people send me do-do head comments was humiliating.

Online trends to throw machine-gun style insults has embedded toxic environments all over the internet, causing many to abandon social media and sites like X, Facebook Reel comments, and Reddit.

Mary recounts, “The whole world needed an old-fashion spanking. I felt like my entire high school was calling me names all at once. I deleted all my accounts and then felt like I was stuck on a tiny island forever. After a rough weekend I remembered the courts being extremely generous against slanderers lately. So I set out to destroy each and every one of those stinky little trolls. I opened up defamation case on all 19.3 million of them, using a little of that A.I. magic. I’m a lawyer and a damn good one.”

Mary prepared what she called the “ultimate b#tch slap.” One open-shut case after another followed. Afterall, the proof was carved in stone on the internet. After 14 months of consecutive lawsuits, Mary walked away with a victories across the board, awarded around $3.3 million from each ‘do-do head’ comment.

“The internet cleaned up over night,” said Jerry Cantrello internet specialist, “It was like the well had been poisoned with nuclear waste, and suddenly you could drink the water. It didn’t feel natural. People actually started to go to concerts and parks instead of trolling people on the internet. I guess that means hatred was the binding glue of internet addiction for a lot of people. I guess we’re all pretty f#$ked up.”

Tia Madone, judge of 19 years, added, “We’re not trying to control speech, we’re trying to stop onslaughts of verbal assault. And yes, we know that $64.1 trillion dollars is a crazy number, but the courts are not prepared for A.I. lawyers at all. Mary filed cases everywhere, and legal offices were not one the same page at all. We basically got b#tch smacked too. Trillion dollars, what in the hell. It’s really confusing. Can I get a slice of that pecan pie or not?”