Song “Simple Kind of Man” Banned from Weddings Nationally

“The song is expected at every wedding: it’s a matter of improving working conditions. I’m tired of watching the men shift into that drunken redneck swagger. It’s the equivalent of backwoods poetry, and it’s just not working for us anymore, some DJs develop a weird gag reflex, like nails on a chalkboard”

“The song goes, or no DJs,” said DJ Raheed McFly

Wedding planners speculate what DJ-less weddings would be like: “Not sure a teenage rock band is going to cut it. The bluegrass jug-band is novel, but that’s as backwoods as the damn song in the first place. Then there are specialists, like accordion players, tap dancers, clowns with water pipes and weird portable organs…”

Dj Marky Rickshaw states, “It’s gone on long enough. There’s 38 billion songs. I don’t want to see 20 men give their women serious eye-locks to cull them to dance floor for this dopey man-song. The chorus makes me wanna puke.”

As of Tuesday, the verdict was reached, the National Guild of DJs class action lawsuit claiming the sappy wedding song is like musical torture ended in victory. The song is permanently banned from all wedding playlists.

“There’s a big problem with giving up Simple Man,” said Tai Shia, wedding planner, “90% of guys name that song for the playlist. I think it’s the only song they remember from other weddings they’ve been to. The new law makes my job harder. I have to explain that to every one of them now? They don’t believe it when I tell them. It turns into a 20 minute debate with google searches every time.”