97 pound boxer Mac Freely personally challenged 348 pound pro boxer and belt champion named “Monster”.
His coach Blanka Reilly’s only statement before the fight: “Mac says he’s been watching the tapes and found a weakness, that we’ll see him exploit it ruthlessly on Friday. That’s why he challenged in a way that guaranteed a fight. Yes it’s true, Mac defecated in Monster’s soup in open public. Yeah, at that new bistro everyone is talking about.”
The Vegas odds were 100 to negative 1,000 against Mac. Meaning if you bet 100 dollars on Monster and he won, you’d actually have to pay the casino a ton of money anyways. So bets are off, unless you are dumb enough to bet on Mac. Seems like everyone is thinking of this more like a gladiator massacring a small growling dog.
On Friday night, the arena was packed, and Mac awkwardly entered the arena wearing American flag trunks, while blasting a bluegrass rendition of 1980’s “Ice Ice Baby”. The crowed mocked him ruthlessly.
Monster entered through the stadium side doors to the sound of 18 guitars playing a wall of continuous inaudible distortion. Monster walked in as slow as a grave digger, and just before entering the ring he uncovered a live raccoon and bit it’s head off.
The opening bell sent the match underway and it began with Monster run-punching at Mac a few times in what seemed to be actual death blows. Two misses, and one grazing blow that nearly ripped Mac’s mustache right of his face. Mac then took to running away, but at key moments, he rolled sideways across the ropes and found a giant opening in Monster’s carefree lack of defense.
Mac wound-up and delivered a few completely ineffectual punches to the side of Monster’s face. For two rounds it seemed there was no weakness in Monster at all, as coach Blanka claimed.
“By round 4 Monster was really huffing from all that running. Steroid man didn’t do enough cardio for that. That’s when Mac kept lining up and stomping directly on Monster’s little toes,” said announcer Mike Row.
“By round 6 the ref had nearly stopped the fight 11 times for too much running away. But Monster’s steps kept getting more confused. The baby toes weren’t doing so well.”
“In round 7 Mac actually got knocked out. He laid there, looking dead for 8 seconds. Then flew up like he was possessed. He took the fight all the way to round 9, and it looked over. Then Mac took a 9 foot running start and kicked Monster directly in the crotch. Like a toe-ball shot in soccer. One of Monster’s testicle just exploded, there was meat on the mat.”
Mac was given a points deduction, but there was so much social pressure on Monster for an easy victory – he didn’t push for a disqualification. He actually tried to keep fight, but he just wasn’t the same. That’s when we witnessed a real brutality in the ring. Mac took a second running start and went for the other ball.”
Vegas bookkeeper Giani Mudani shared, “Only a few people bet on Mac to win. They’re billionaires now, and we’re going to have to shut down the casino.”
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