Diversity Program Becomes “Mega Diverse”

“After a long trial, we have a workplace that’s 100% diversified. In a corporation of 1,000+ people, every single one of them is either a different race and orientation, or a dual mixed breed. This gave us enough combinations to fill a thousand jobs with unique humans,” reported Shantile Bogan, a ‘formerly male, pansexual, demi-gorgon, furry, she/her on weekdays, he/him on weekends, Black-Indonesian-Caucasian’, descriptions that are embroidered on a colorful armband she wears.

“We considered the Mega Diversity program a great success. But, over time we saw re-pooling of ethnicity and sub-groups. It’s started to look a lot like the real world. So we created a program called Mandatory Mingling. Everyone was given an armband that has different colors, numbers, descriptive phrases, and little badges. Everyone must interact with different armband types throughout the day, a required number of times. If not, they go into a Reprogramming Seminar (22 hours of streamed neuro-linguistic videos) they must complete on their weekend off.”

Shantile adjusted her armband, which was rainbow colored and had a couple embroidered badges, one of Arnold Schwarzenegger wielding a giant dumbbell, and another of Marilyn Monroe holding down her dress that is blowing upward. She continued:

“We did notice people were somehow having less fun with so much diversity. The Mandatory Mingling program had issues. Basically, people couldn’t interact with those they related to most. Everyone became distant and verbally lethargic. So we put everyone on an SSRI to kind of even their attitudes out. That made them too mellow. Everyone needed more energy to keep the workflow going. So we added a small company dose of ADHD medication, which speeds up normal people, and adds to productivity. This did re-introduce some similar problems that we had before Mega Diversity began. People were ignoring the program rules, and hanging out with whoever they wanted.”

“So, we enrolled the company in a pre-trial of the Neuralink brain chip, a model with aggressive emotional and mindset alterations. Basically, we have a little A.I. mind-control on everyone that works here. It’s an aggressive approach, and sort of controls most of what people are thinking and saying,” said Shantile with an awkward wince. “But, I would say it’s a wild success, and for diversity it is – though we are seeing strange outputs in our creative sector. It’s like everyone is… really checked out. All the vibes are cross-firing. Ideas became more about the framework of the forced relationships. Shit is just not flowing the way it used to. Really though, this is only a pilot program, and it will only get better. Our next move is a new surgery that takes a really tiny scoop out of the frontal lobe. We are confident it will work!”