“If anyone wants a tariff, now is the time to get one. If you don’t have a tariff, it means you are insignificant. Who wants to be left out? Really these tariffs are a way to distinguish yourself, just like our new immigrant visa gold card. If you have one, you are in the club,” said the President earlier today.
“People are asking, what happens to those who bypass the tariffs? El Salvador is preparing to house entire countries who defy the new tariffs. They are building new super-max prisons with 1,000,000 capacity and they are building them by the dozens. We could easily fit a couple small countries into a single one of those beautiful prisons. Don’t worry, there will be board games and color TV, and even Twitter in these tariff prisons – which are more of a deterrent than anything.”
“America has been sold out for decades by insiders, and ripped-off by many nations holding unfair tariffs against us. That kind of shrewdness is a mark of doing good business. I’m getting dozens of phone calls a day from small countries ‘Please give us a tariff over 20%, it makes us look more formidable’. They are all begging for tariffs. They want them so badly, we are starting the Maverick Tariff Award. For any small developing nation, you might want to act fast. Starting next month, getting an honorary tariff from the U.S. will cost $100 million dollars.”
[FEATURED PHOTO: Asian politician delivers his pre-planned public emotional reaction to new tariffs ]
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