Amazon Introduces Smart Mirror That Judges Your Vibe

The new smart mirror does a penetrating A.I. gaze into your soul. It will then display a graphical report, telling users if their energy is compatible with public expectations. The Supra Vibe has cameras, motion sensors, a butt-thermometer, and a built-in tone reader that watches how you stand, blink, and breathe near other people. If your energy gets wonky, the screen flashes personal labels or loud motivation soundbites like:

“Charismatic liar, but in a hot way”
• “Try again with more sass.”
• “That shirt has already seen its worst day. Let it go.”
• “This isn’t main character behavior.”
• “You’re post-nap energy reeks of weakness.”

“We’re not judging,” said Brent, the project lead. “We’re helping people avoid crushing their personal relationships.”

Users can upgrade to Supra Vibe Plus, which includes access to Apology Coaching, Crowd-Smiling Presets, and a morning reminder to “set your face to neutral,” a reminder to remove any painful scowls.

If your vibe stays low for more than three days, the mirror enters Alert Mode and…
– reminds you that 3 days is too long without a shower
– deodorant ranked highest in favorite inventions of all time
– auto-catapults a vitamin C and D tablet deep into the gullet.

[PHOTO: Woman prepares for warning about rude expression perma-locked on face]