Apple Kills Undo Feature

Apple fans, known for their willingness to suffer for the brand, are largely defending the radical update:
“I used to undo emails,” said one man in line at an Apple Store, “but maybe I needed to send them. Maybe the typo was part of me.” He finished his purchase of an Apple brand $39 microfiber cloth and tripped into a shrub in the mall kiosk area. He stumbled and collapsed into the tiny mulch bed as mud compacted into his iPhone’s microphone. “I guess that’s my fault. No do-overs either,” reasoned the man, “Just like the no-delete feature. Forward flow. Apple is like… life.”

Elsewhere, complaints are beginning to surface:
A university accidentally uploaded the entire security camera feed to the stadium’s Jumbo-Tron. “We tried to delete it,” said the IT director, “but the Apple system told us that ‘Clarity is Permanent.’”
At one law firm, an intern accidentally pasted the names of all 12 jury members into a tweet. As she frantically hammered the back button, a system message kept popping up saying “Fly Like an Eagle.”

“What’s important is that if we live on the same page…,” said Tim Cook in his final presentation statement “…then we can port that page to a subscription.”

Apple Support now offers UndoPlus, a $12.99/month service that “emails a social worker” whenever you press backspace. “It won’t fix anything,” the site reads, “but someone will know you tried.”
The company has already seen a 32% increase in user output since the update. “Hard to believe people delete 32% of what they write normally. This proves the system is adapting, and people are adapting with it,” said Apple VP Melody Trosch. “When they realize there’s no going back, they tap forward a lot harder.

“It’s probably adrenaline from all that unwanted exposure. A woman in Dallas says she accidentally sent nude photos of her affair partner to her husband. “That can’t be good,” she told local news. I don’t think I can swallow this corporate mindf#ck.”

[PHOTO: Man fears for his life after sending a scolding hot text message to his wife]