Business Busted Auto-Rejecting White Male Candidates

In the old days, recruiter stereotypes were more of a mental filter. This is the first time we found prejudice hard coded into company’s hiring software.

We got a secret mole hired, codenamed “Juan”, into the American tech business, which will remain unnamed – a company with 1,300 employees. As Juan walked the halls he noticed a strange atmosphere, there really were no white males to be found. Juan tried to gain access to the hiring pipeline technology, but it took 3 months until he got his first lead, and another two months to crack the case.

Our insider told us, “I’ve never been anywhere in American office building that didn’t have quite a few white guys among thousands of people. It was really weird. The more I embraced the mystery, the deeper I got into the organization. I pushed for an IT re-assignment and finally got it. A few weeks later, I heard a rumor of the guy who wrote the recruiting software; he worked offsite, completely from home, and never visited the office. I asked around about the mystery man, to understand what he’s like. I was really surprised to find out the dude is a 32 year old, 100% white guy named Chadly.”

“I couldn’t stop wondering why this white guy was blocking all other white guys from getting a job. It was hard to sleep, trying to piece together why he would do it. After a while I realized I was thinking about Chadly during breakfast, on long drives, and even as I spent time with my girlfriend. The mystery kept popping up in my mind.”

“It took another month to figure out how to get access to the Chadly, so I hired a 12 year old hacker to drop a small virus into the company email app I was in charge of – the virus force users to enter their password in 15 times a day. 3 weeks later the company finally had enough: it was perfect excuse to get access to Chadly who was some kind of super coder savant. A week later, I got Chadly to commit to a 15 minute meeting via Snapchat, so he could look over my code base.

“When I knocked on his door, about two minutes later the door actually opens, the apartment was dark and smelled musty, and all I could see was a round man walking away from the door already, back to his desk which was littered with Cheetoh bags and maybe 30 empty soda cans.  When he sat at his desk, the light from three computer monitors revealed his full form. Sitting among the scatterings around his desk, I could see he was a very heavy, neck-bearded, mountain dew drinking, chicken tendie eating white guy.

I couldn’t believe it. I snapped. I started interrogating him, and threatening a press releases and lawsuits. I needed to know why he did this to his own ‘people’. After I dumped a full three minute monologue of threats and confusion all over him, Chadly finally broke down, and in the middle of some pretty helpless sobbing, he told me he lives in constant fury against other white guys getting more p#ssy than he is. The whole hiring pipeline was vengeance. P#ssy vengeance.”