Excessive moshing in the ‘Napalm Lords’ metal concert led to an unexpected results: “I guess the collisions just added up in the mosh pit, the headbangers actually caused subatomic shifting, an unknown type of atomic reaction started to happen; sizzling […]
Joe Biden has decided to vacate the white house early, without two-weeks notice. “Ya’ll didn’t vote for me again, so I’m checking out of this dive and jetting to Mount Denali for a b#tchin wing suit drop. Check ya later, […]
“They removed notepad and picture viewer for f#cksakes, and you can’t push these tabs around without installing more software. This is a nightmare,” Bill said to our reporter. “Yes it’s pretty stable and secure, but that’s all it offers. My […]
For some Santa has come early this year, as the new low cost home building law began last Tuesday at 12pm. For others, a serious of complex emotions are welling up as D.C. publishes another serious of mind boggling laws. […]
The Federal Reserve announced Tuesday that they have run out of ideas to inflate the economy. They added that “There is no way in Frosty’s bright hell we can pay off a 30 Trillion dollar deficit.” Inner circles have let […]
“Jeff just needed to check on the Amazon electric bill personally, as required, in a few different states, and kept getting stuck in those infinite loop robo-menus, three days in a row. His last words were actually screams: “Why the […]
“Kids look up to us. Time to put the kick-a#s back in class. Lets rock.” said Mark Vox, math teacher. “A really annoying kid took a whole wing of our school hostage for seven hours. Those days are over. We’re […]
“Many celestial objects look like familiar things. We aimed the Webb scope out last week, and were surprised to see a very close representation of “The Dude” nestled deep within the universe. Some astronomers are trying to ignore the strangely […]
“Gary’s beheading might be a bit shocking for the ladies, but the kid was obsessed with football, just cursed with a tiny body. Based on his interests, I think Gary would be satisfied with his exit,” said Cole Tramm, parent […]
For unknown reasons, Millions of little sombrero are being donned by an entire generation. “The high schools are full of them, almost everyone is wearing them. They don’t count as hats, because ‘cultural’, so the admin can’t force them to […]
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