“He rolled the man’s legs over his head, and his tuckus was sticking out. The man just kept leaning his pelvis on his tuckus,” relayed spectator Melvin Brown. We asked the victim for a quick statement: “He wouldn’t make a […]
“She can no longer spit on that thang, and she’s devastated,” said close friend Missy Tauns. “It’s a good thing she cashed in so fast, because her hawking days are over.” There are thousands of influencers clawing to fill her […]
A Michelin 5-Star restaurant has just gone for the jugular. French chef Arni Onwee has wowed the food world with a semi-soup that is actually just 99% high fat cream with a little spice. “You eat it like a soup, […]
“The pogo sticks are hi-tech inventions, and runners should be able to get a steady 14 foot bounce forward going. We don’t know exactly how we’re going to fix the calypso drums to the pogo sticks yet. We intend for […]
“New evidence suggests that lip filler flows to the brain, replacing gray matter directly. The more injections, the less brain,” says science maverick Gary Vue. He held up x-rays of ground-zero patients. “See that, almost no brain there.” Indeed, the […]
97 pound boxer Mac Freely personally challenged 348 pound pro boxer and belt champion named “Monster”. His coach Blanka Reilly’s only statement before the fight: “Mac says he’s been watching the tapes and found a weakness, that we’ll see him […]
“He started yell-crying that he just wants animals to sing him sea shanties. He ate nothing but deer jerky for two weeks. He did Homer Simpson impressions for like 4 days straight. Then he sold his car, bought a super […]
It was a special moment, like witnessing a rare celestial event. 59 year old Gert managed to download-and-open an attachment after an incredibly high number of very detailed in-person tutorials. “Just like a rare supernova, or a perfect sunset, this […]
“I know my home is huge, but the estate is only a couple acres. How can I house 3,214 migrants like this? It’s also like 87% men. We’re literally shoulder to shoulder. I tried going to my vacation home, but […]
Ultra vain friends made a death pact: “If one of them died, the other would have their face transplanted to the other’s body. She’s choosing her left breast as the target, and already there is $300 million waiting in an […]
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