Tragedy has struck White House plumbing in what was initially thought to be a terrorist attack. “There was a moment when I thought I was going to die,” said the President in an urgent press message. The prolonged sound of […]
“Might as well take them off the truck and dump them straight into the trash,” said product reviewer Tim Bimm. “They design this garbage in Autocad, and run the design straight off the factory line without a single test. The […]
“Winning is my best look, never forget I’m a killer. The rematch will end in death,” said a 9 foot tall mecha Mike Tyson in a dimly lit, run-down hotel room. The look in Iron Mike’s eyes was different: there […]
“Senator Lincoln Demark speaks loudly and with absolute conviction. But, for an entire week we fact checked his statements from every angle. 98% of what he says is completely wrong. We tricked him into a psych assessment to see if […]
Jamall Bomeo has 9 foot long dreadlocks, bundled casually on top of his head. “It’s been that way for as long as I remember,” said his friend Razna Modavia. “I shave my head once a week, with a tight fade […]
“Meteorites can be quit valuable, and there are hunters who track them down. People travel to scan the soils where shooting star sightings have been reported. This week, a strange space rock made it to Earth. So many people had […]
The two soda giants have merged their classic recipes into one drink. “The result is a new drink called Port Deuce. It honestly tastes like s#it,” said one reviewer. “It’s like the company boards of both brands drink way too […]
“My job was to make the company as profitable as possible. It was a wild success. Sure, I had to take one for the team. We used an A.I. algorithm to auto-deny as many requests as possible. It removes the […]
“The new app is a train wreck. And anyone can see that when you pick a song for a new playlist, the app forces our recommendations onto your playlist. Those songs pay the record labels most. This helps put food […]
“I thought it was an error, but it was Friday right before the bank closed. I think the adjuster stamped the loan with the wrong stamper,” said Brian Jells, loan officer. “But, I just kept my mouth shut cuz the […]
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