We stood on the long Chipotle line, watching ingredients being dumped onto tortillas. There was an odd tension in the air. Customers ask for extra scoops of toppings. The workers try to scoop as little as possible. It’s a game […]
Tragedy has struck White House plumbing in what was initially thought to be a terrorist attack. “There was a moment when I thought I was going to die,” said the President in an urgent press message. The prolonged sound of […]
“Winning is my best look, never forget I’m a killer. The rematch will end in death,” said a 9 foot tall mecha Mike Tyson in a dimly lit, run-down hotel room. The look in Iron Mike’s eyes was different: there […]
The two soda giants have merged their classic recipes into one drink. “The result is a new drink called Port Deuce. It honestly tastes like s#it,” said one reviewer. “It’s like the company boards of both brands drink way too […]
Excessive moshing in the ‘Napalm Lords’ metal concert led to an unexpected results: “I guess the collisions just added up in the mosh pit, the headbangers actually caused subatomic shifting, an unknown type of atomic reaction started to happen; sizzling […]
For unknown reasons, Millions of little sombrero are being donned by an entire generation. “The high schools are full of them, almost everyone is wearing them. They don’t count as hats, because ‘cultural’, so the admin can’t force them to […]
“She can no longer spit on that thang, and she’s devastated,” said close friend Missy Tauns. “It’s a good thing she cashed in so fast, because her hawking days are over.” There are thousands of influencers clawing to fill her […]
A Michelin 5-Star restaurant has just gone for the jugular. French chef Arni Onwee has wowed the food world with a semi-soup that is actually just 99% high fat cream with a little spice. “You eat it like a soup, […]
“New evidence suggests that lip filler flows to the brain, replacing gray matter directly. The more injections, the less brain,” says science maverick Gary Vue. He held up x-rays of ground-zero patients. “See that, almost no brain there.” Indeed, the […]
97 pound boxer Mac Freely personally challenged 348 pound pro boxer and belt champion named “Monster”. His coach Blanka Reilly’s only statement before the fight: “Mac says he’s been watching the tapes and found a weakness, that we’ll see him […]
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