Apple fans, known for their willingness to suffer for the brand, are largely defending the radical update: “I used to undo emails,” said one man in line at an Apple Store, “but maybe I needed to send them. Maybe the […]
“Looks like the Epstein files have been corralled and are now on a rocket heading straight to Jupiter. Reporters caught wind of the news just before launch, and they flooded the tarmac entrance, demanding answers. The official statement was released […]
“We needed to bridge the static between America and the EU. Online, we see insults and social competition that builds up between the two giants – often when America is not actively preventing Europe from being invaded. We need a […]
“A few years ago we removed 40% of the menu – can we cut back more?” a question uttered by a slick-haired man in a tailored pin stripe suit. “How many of these expensive ingredients can we get rid of […]
Hippos are already known for quaking flatulence, but Chinese scientists, untethered by regulation, have genetically modified one special hippopotamus. “BooBoo the hippo has a perfect diameter of intestine, a complete imbalance of gut biome, and a scientifically perfect nether regions […]
“Winning is my best look, never forget I’m a killer. The rematch will end in death,” said a 9 foot tall mecha Mike Tyson in a dimly lit, run-down hotel room. The look in Iron Mike’s eyes was different: there […]
“My job was to make the company as profitable as possible. It was a wild success. Sure, I had to take one for the team. We used an A.I. algorithm to auto-deny as many requests as possible. It removes the […]
“I thought it was an error, but it was Friday right before the bank closed. I think the adjuster stamped the loan with the wrong stamper,” said Brian Jells, loan officer. “But, I just kept my mouth shut cuz the […]
Joe Biden has decided to vacate the white house early, without two-weeks notice. “Ya’ll didn’t vote for me again, so I’m checking out of this dive and jetting to Mount Denali for a b#tchin wing suit drop. Check ya later, […]
For some Santa has come early this year, as the new low cost home building law began last Tuesday at 12pm. For others, a serious of complex emotions are welling up as D.C. publishes another serious of mind boggling laws. […]
SLAPWEEK : News that moves!
