“Gary’s beheading might be a bit shocking for the ladies, but the kid was obsessed with football, just cursed with a tiny body. Based on his interests, I think Gary would be satisfied with his exit,” said Cole Tramm, parent […]
“She can no longer spit on that thang, and she’s devastated,” said close friend Missy Tauns. “It’s a good thing she cashed in so fast, because her hawking days are over.” There are thousands of influencers clawing to fill her […]
“The pogo sticks are hi-tech inventions, and runners should be able to get a steady 14 foot bounce forward going. We don’t know exactly how we’re going to fix the calypso drums to the pogo sticks yet. We intend for […]
97 pound boxer Mac Freely personally challenged 348 pound pro boxer and belt champion named “Monster”. His coach Blanka Reilly’s only statement before the fight: “Mac says he’s been watching the tapes and found a weakness, that we’ll see him […]
“He started yell-crying that he just wants animals to sing him sea shanties. He ate nothing but deer jerky for two weeks. He did Homer Simpson impressions for like 4 days straight. Then he sold his car, bought a super […]
Josh Bentley lost his job three weeks ago, fired by “Backstabbing managers who turn everything good into a toxic waste fire,” as he frequently describes in his new Youtube cooking channel monologue. “It’s clear he’s not over the situation. Many […]
“The song is expected at every wedding: it’s a matter of improving working conditions. I’m tired of watching the men shift into that drunken redneck swagger. It’s the equivalent of backwoods poetry, and it’s just not working for us anymore, […]
No one makes it through life without an emergency case of the runs. The uncomfortable condition was first coined by a researcher named John Diarrhea. This week, Marathon runner Elden Huxbury has broken a couple records, the oldest man to […]
32 large burly Midwestern men gathered in what they labeled the “Beginning Tribunal”. In downtown Indianapolis, passersby stand afar, watching as swords, machine guns, and a series of spartan spears annihilate 72 mysterious objects that some say looked at first […]
“Flat earth was just a start: it’s actually based on it’s predecessor ‘Pizza Earth’,” said our unnamed expert. “Well things have taken a new turn, and burrito is now dominating the field. There’s no turning back, burrito is here to […]
