A few months after being thawed out, learning English, and seeing how the modern world operates, Caveman Ted Booga is throwing in the towel, requests to be re-frozen to try again at a future date, when humanity will hopefully be doing much better. “Who set up this sadistic system? Hawk Tuah girl makes lifetimes of money in a week, while a strong caveman makes $18 an hour. I can’t even buy a cave. The shoes are nice though, very cushy. Can I keep these Asics?”
He even brought his own freezer to the science lab to avoid inconveniencing anyone, “Just plug it in, and let me take a magic carpet ride to the future,” after giving the lead scientist an ape-like cuddle.
“The puppy-dog eyes almost got me to do it, he’s very convincing” said lab runner Mike Tobo. ” I’d freeze him, but I’m being red-taped by PETA. Guess they’re classifying him as an animal. He does squat and defecate in the middle of the street, so who am I to say?”
Mr. Booga heard we were covering his story so he reached out, “Help get me out of this hell-hole. The user interfaces on all these electronic devices is whack as hell, so I’m frustrated all day long. I can’t afford meat and that’s all I like. And what is a they/them? Please, I need to try another time in the future, where Blackrock doesn’t manipulate the commercial markets.”
I asked him, “How did you learn about all these things so quickly?”
“I just read the internet. Learning is actually really easy since I haven’t received a life-long poisoning from industrial chemicals used in food.”
“What were we talking about again?” I asked.
“See what I mean,” said Mr. Booga with a look of both superiority and compassion in his eyes
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