Europe and America Finally Give Each Other Hand J0bs

“We needed to bridge the static between America and the EU. Online, we see insults and social competition that builds up between the two giants – often when America is not actively preventing Europe from being invaded. We need a symbolic act, a ceremonial event, that unites our continents in a better way,” said Congressional Corespondent, Shiela Conn

“That’s when we envisioned a new character named Daddy Europe. It’s the counterpart to America’s Lady Liberty,” said U.S. human relations coordinator Rebecca Quo. “Every year on the anniversary of D-Day, we’re doing a blow-out event similar to the New Years Eve ball drop. We’re going to have Lady Liberty and Daddy Europe give each other 30 minute simultaneous hand jobs on live stream. It’s a bonding moment between our continental giants.”

“Our public relations committee went back and forth on this for a long time. We settled on the hand job because neither character is submitting to the other. It’s better they sit side by side, and lend each other a helping hand. This will set a great example for our younger generations, and could subdue some critical snark coming from the older generations. This will repair nations. I mean, who doesn’t want to see the Statue of Liberty get off?”