Gertrude Prints Email Attachment After 2,137 Personal Tutorials

It was a special moment, like witnessing a rare celestial event. 59 year old Gert managed to download-and-open an attachment after an incredibly high number of very detailed in-person tutorials. “Just like a rare supernova, or a perfect sunset, this ability will fade in 42 minutes, sparking another need for direct in person guidance,” said wistful eyed manager Jason Kaplow.

“We’re not sure why it’s so difficult, but we wanted to honor that moment. It’s time for a little healing. Gert was like an attachment-downloading pro for almost an hour, and it really gave us hope. Everyone in the office stood around and listened to casual rock music, passed snacks around, and had a couple laughs. We counted down the last few minutes until the inevitable occurred, the moment would collapse and fade away forever, like it never happened.”

“Yeah, we treat it like a holiday event. We all just stand around, feel connected, and let a little awe rise up in the moment,” said coworker Angie Brinkman. “Gert will forget the 3 step process completely – that’s a fact. Then we’ll have to start all over again. Sometimes she can remember for 14 minutes, sometimes half an hour, but one time she could download and print an attachment for a whole week. We called that week the “The Golden Era”.

The office mailman, Doug Frenchie added, “We’re not sure what the difference is from month to month. Gert’ll just ask where the downloads folder is again, and we’ll know it’s all been undone. She’ll start freaking out, emoting heavily, pushing random buttons or staring into the distance, like a deer in headlights. There might be crying, maybe yelling, the works. It’s only with computers too: she seems normal with everything else, which makes this even more of a mystery.”

We asked the company I.T. guy what it was like giving at least 1/3 of the ‘Gert tutorials’, of which there have been thousands. He stated, “It would be better if I don’t comment at all, because it’s not her fault I guess, but it’s not my fault either… actually… $%# and you know @%#ing !$^#$ !@#$! F@#$ is all I have to say. You know, I actually would like to talk about this @#$% for a second…” Our reporter sensed a fuming, festering PTSD-like energy emerging so he ran away squealing: “The dark side is coming, the dark side is coming”.