Gordon Ramsay Gets Birthday Cake He Deserves

Gordon is known for his outrageous temper, and willingness to humiliate people on his television show. After the announcement of his final episode the entire cast hosted a surprise party where Gordon received the farewell cake he deserved. “It was a giant s#itty a$$hole cake,” said audio tech Tito Marquez.

When Gordon saw the cake, he actually laughed but then quickly turned angry. Before he could start yelling, the show-runner smashed Gordon’s face deep into the ring shaped cake. “His face was fully submerged. Then Gordon snapped his head up as quickly as possible. He realized the cake smelled awful. He was then told the cake was filled with the actual human excrement of the entire staff. He started rage-crying. There was feces in his nostrils, left ear, and deep in his eyes. That’s when they slapped two gigantic slices of white bread onto his cheeks and made him call himself an ‘idiot sandwich’, as Gordon previously did to one of his own show members. Gruesome scene.”

Gordon is in emergency medical care for what his doctors called, “The worst case of pink-eye he’s seen in 43 years of practice.” The doctor added, “It’s like his eyes were filled with the turds of 20+ people and maybe a few pets. We’re on our 7th antibiotic, and the infection is still getting worse. If this doesn’t clear up by next week, we’re looking at a pig eye transplant. How the hell is that man supposed to make delicious cheeseburgers while staring out of pig eyeballs?”