Hawk Tuah Girl Has Defective Salivary Glands

“She can no longer spit on that thang, and she’s devastated,” said close friend Missy Tauns. “It’s a good thing she cashed in so fast, because her hawking days are over.”

There are thousands of influencers clawing to fill her spot, spitting on livestream camera lenses with attempted catch phrases of their own:

“I’m gonna palm it, till you balm it!” yelled one.

“Spitty tiddy!” yelled another

“Roll that thing up!” yelled one, with thousands of comments from men yelling not to roll it up.

Hawk Tuah girl has released an official statement:
“I’m not done. I’m happy to say I have a spit replacement right here, I just squirt in my mouth and I can spit all over that thang.” She held up what looks like a plastic mustard bottle that she squirted directly into her mouth, then hawked a large transparent,loosely formed loogie.

One reporter dared to ask, “What is that substance in the bottle?”

“Other people’s spit. I got donors.”

A few audible gags were heard throughout the crowd, and her main sponsor began to sob uncontrollably.