State Police are calling the rubber ducks an interstate hazard. The trend of Jeep owners leaving tiny rubber ducks on other Jeeps takes a dystopic turn. Police radios now blare with calls like “category 3 Duck disaster” and “Bloody Ducking”; which means car passengers were nearly rubber-rubbed to death. One Ohio man was pulled over with so many ducks crowding his Jeep cabin, the cop couldn’t even see the steering wheel. The driver stated, “I just jam my hands through the ducks, and grip the wheel. No Big deal.”
Jeep corporate held a press conference inside a vehicle that was, by volume, more duck than jeep. They revealed their newest jeep design: four large jeep tires with a cab shaped like a smiling rubber duck dressed like a motorcyclist, complete with mohawk and metal spike implants.
“The new Wrangler looks like a duck. The new Cherokee looks like an alligator. The new Liberty looks like some kind of Beaver. Where are we going with this?” said lifetime Jeep fan, Matt Borley.
Denver Colorado now requires Jeep owners to declare duck volume during emissions testing. California has reclassified dashboard ducks as annually taxable. In Florida, an illegal side-economy has emerged: duck theft is on the rise. Ducks are being stolen in high volume, and re-sold as though brand new.
The Duck Dynasty family is in tough negotiations with Jeep, threatening to sue unless a lucrative partnership is formed. “The Jeepers are our friends, but we need another hundred million dollars, and where else are we going to get that from?” said the newly bearded 3rd cousin who is now the central focus of the show.
[Photo: Man oblivious to duck hoarding problem]
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