Jeff Bezos Rage Quits

“Jeff just needed to check on the Amazon electric bill personally, as required, in a few different states, and kept getting stuck in those infinite loop robo-menus, three days in a row. His last words were actually screams: “Why the f#ck am I talking to a f#cking robot,” before hitting the zero button 200 times for customer service, to no avail. Then he slammed his phone into a million pieces,” said Missouri mega warehouse director Marky Shultz who witnessed the meltdown.

“Yeah he went silent but fuming, and just pushed his desk items into one of those brown cardboard file boxes, like he’s been ready for this moment. It’s like he forgot he’s the owner. Unless he’s just burning off steam, pretty eccentric if that’s the case.”

“We’re not sure why Jeffrey has left Amazon,” said Tennessee director of operations, Becky Walsch. “He really was the one making it all happen, in terms of decisions for grown. We have 173 giant warehouses running with no direction. Sure we have a suite of administrators, but Jeffrey had the secret key to the central AI. Every morning, he has to perform a unique 37 move Mongolian dance in front of a holographic camera sensor to unlock it all. We’re back to the stone age. Each warehouse has like 600 workers to inspect and ship 103,000 boxes every week. Not going great. I’m back on the meds myself.”