Joe Biden has decided to vacate the white house early, without two-weeks notice. “Ya’ll didn’t vote for me again, so I’m checking out of this dive and jetting to Mount Denali for a b#tchin wing suit drop. Check ya later, smelly gators,” yelled Biden into the livestream mic, among the high altitude winds of the airlift helicopter taking him to the top of the mountain.
“He’s been listening to an A.I. album he made himself, using his own A.I. cloned voice – lots of raps about Corn Pop and hairy legs. Some of his favorite stories,” said staffer Tina Ball. “He’s never wing-suited before, but why not?”
“He might die doing it,” said extreme sports adrenaline junky Roderic Kabilisi. “In fact experienced wing suiters are known to die frequently, the very reason most of them stop the hobby altogether. They get tired of hearing their friends splat on the mountains.”
“Safety? Oh, sure there’s that,” replied Tina Bell, “But Joe Biden isn’t scared of dying. He’s scared of never really living.”
“He’s really old,” continued Roderic, “it does take some coordination, and your arms and legs get tired holding the pressure of the wind against the mini wings.”
“Well, I’m not sure he’s aware of that,” said Tina, “or that would probably deter him. He’s already at the top of the mountain and he’s all Red-Bulled up. You can try stopping him, but he’s got a really old flip phone, so good luck.”
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