Mosh Pit Ends in Implosion

Excessive moshing in the ‘Napalm Lords’ metal concert led to an unexpected results:

“I guess the collisions just added up in the mosh pit, the headbangers actually caused subatomic shifting, an unknown type of atomic reaction started to happen; sizzling in the air, then kaboom!” said physicist and metal-head Ronny Bok who was only a few feet away. “First it was like an explosion, but then the fabric of space-time collapsed, and an implosion followed. For a second, we were all worried it would collapse into a blackhole-like super structure and pull us all in forever. But then everything went quiet. We saw the finished product… it was a 4’x4′ mass of super-compressed headbangers. There was hair, fingers, and toes sticking out in all directions.”

“There must have been 30-40 people mashed into that thing,” said MacKinsey May, who held off uncontrollable sobs. “I’m a Taylor Swift fan. I got dragged to this concert by my boyfriend who didn’t tell me he liked metal until the third month of our relationship. Looks like I’m leaving tonight with heavy PTSD.”