Psycho Lights: Bright Spotlights, Reliable Sign of Psycho

Invention of super bright LED lights has the public starry-eyed in more ways than one. Experts have discovered “psycho lights” are the easiest way to diagnose a psychopath . Psychologist have been studying the phenomenon for a while now and they revealed, “Normal people buy these new overly bright spotlights, attach them to their homes, see how abnormally bright they are, and usually turn them off… forever. It’s an accidental purchase that goes almost unused at that point.”

Our expert continued, “Psychopaths do the opposite. They leave those lights on, and keep them on for extended hours. Some of them leave their stadium grade spotlights on permanently, even in the daylight. Some psychos just flick the switch the minute the Sun drops in the evening, leaving neighbors with only a few shy moments without eternal blinding from several mini-suns attached to their home. We’ve seen a few grow self-aware just enough to at least put their “Psycho Lights” on a motion detector, but those things never work right, and if there is the smallest breeze, the lights fire off over and over throughout the entire evening through early morning, as their trees sway in the wind, slowly driving the neighbors into a secret frothy anger.”

“These lights are so bright, they actually cause medical eye damage, and even when they don’t burn the retina, they cause eye pain about as bad as biting your tongue. These lights are usually aimed directly at neighbors porches, garage doors, and windows – psychopaths never think of using light shields or dimmer tints put in place after installation. “We don’t have a single recorded case of a psycho light user removing the lights from their house, and installing them in a way that points the blinding light at their own home instead of at their neighbors. It’s a dead giveaway for psychopathic mentality, so please: hide your kids, hide your wife. Hannibal Lector may be on the other side of those time distorting, epoch burning devil lights.”