Senator Clearly High on His Own Supply

“Senator Lincoln Demark speaks loudly and with absolute conviction. But, for an entire week we fact checked his statements from every angle. 98% of what he says is completely wrong. We tricked him into a psych assessment to see if he was a compulsive liar, and he is not,” said psychologist Leo Demilo. “He actually believes every word that comes out of his mouth. It’s a combo of disconnected thinking and being completely ‘high on his own supply’. Yet, somehow he’s gaining traction and followers anyways.

“At this point, we realize describing Lincoln’s thought processes in greater detail would actually be cruel… but he’s responsible for the lives of millions of people. He heads one federal committee and plays a role in seven others,” said Guy Whaley, Florida rep.

“Lincoln speaks with a lot of energy, like a forceful southern preacher with a splash of Adolf Hitler. He has a lot of charisma, and does really good shoulder squeezes as he walks around the floor. Also, his verbal timing makes it hard for anyone else to talk, ever,” said fellow Senator Lucy Davis.

“What do you do when someone in charge is ‘high on their own supply’?” said Luke Daily who has helped over 432 people escape cults, all of which had leaders who were ‘high on their own supply’. “It takes a lot of smarts and patience. In this case, it’s an elected office, so it’s harder to shake the tree – basically everyone he woos is like a cult member. It may even be the case that those voters are also really, really… ‘high on their own supply’.”