“A few years ago we removed 40% of the menu – can we cut back more?” a question uttered by a slick-haired man in a tailored pin stripe suit. “How many of these expensive ingredients can we get rid of altogether? We’ve always dabbled with giving you very little meat and cheese, but now our mission is complete: the beefless-cheeseless taco! You get a CRISPY golden shell and a GENEROUS heaping of iceberg lettuce! Almost exactly what we served before, but even better. We’re calling it the Iceberg Taco.”
Just then a team of white-clad corporate chefs walked in behind the slick man. Every one of them seemed so stoked, they couldn’t resist and started air-pumping their pelvises all at once. It went on for an awkward 12 minutes and when it finally ended, the only other onlooker was a 22 year old intern who looked too afraid to leave. He glanced at me and said, “I don’t know if I’m supposed to stay or go. I really need this internship. What the hell is going on?”
I explained to the lad, “This is a classic corporate mast#rbation ritual performed every time they think of a new way to screw people over.”
The lad took interest and said, “I want to be just like them!” After which I quickly exited the corporate kitchen, tempted to delete the footage, and maybe even retire early.
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Man in the Moon : No Longer Smiling
