“My neighbors looked a little weird, but they seemed okay when they stopped by to say hello. I stepped onto the porch for a work call, and left them in the living room with some cookies. That’s when I heard the incessant squealing. I couldn’t get off the call, since I was supposed to be in the office. During the seven minute phone call, the kid ripped off five whole sheets of wallpaper. He also raided my fridge, chugged a beer, and lit a fire in the bathroom with 6 rolls of toilet paper. I don’t know what his mom was doing, but some of that yelling I swear was her cheering him on.”
“When I walked back in and saw the destruction, I was in shock. During the frenzy I guess blobs of makeup rubbed off the kid and his mom Chanice. Sure enough the little monster was somewhat green underneath. Like a goblin like from some fantasy movie. Chanice was a little ogre-like already, but with the green skin, it was obvious.”
“I acted like I had another work call buzzing in, stepped outside, and made a quick call to ‘Asandra’s Wizard Service’. In two minutes a rather sexy enchantress showed up. She followed me inside and instantly wagged a little wand – the kid just melted into a pile of goo.”
“The mom stared at the incinerated pile, she huffed and yelled like a Sasquatch, and when she flexed all her muscles, I swear her upper body puffed up bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. She charged me, and Asandra did it again. My neighbor… just fizzled into a pile of smelly goo. I’m coming clean with all these details because I didn’t do any of this. I’m innocent. Do these creatures even have a social security number?”
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