Intelligent People Collectively Longing for the Old Internet

“Our biggest mistake was inventing the smartphone. See it’s simply too smart. People are just not that smart,” said inventor of the internet Al Gore.
Behavior specialist Sam Smith adds, “It’s just not okay for all of people’s thoughts to be publicly viewable in any way, shape or form. Sure, creators make content, but we don’t want to know what people think about it. Basically the whole internet has become one giant slurring drunk.”

“We used A.I. to test and compare the average quality of internet speech, and it fell in three behavior zones:

• heavy duty users of several street drugs
• a rare form of cannibal chimpanzee
• slightly brain damaged mud skippers
• a tiny herd of donkeys with inner ear disorders
• fans of heavily spiced shrimp gumbo

A massive survey among intelligent people was concluded this week:
Smart people simply long for the old days of the internet, pre-smart phone. “Everyone was helpful, positive mostly, and it was like an adventure. We were all exploring and building, the way smart people do.”

“Then came the doof wagon commenting on reels. Man, some of them are so stupid. I can read a wall of 1,000 comments and maybe one or two of them is not immediately refutable. My kid says the internet is starting to read like a babbling hate-filled monster,” said John Gimley, advanced tech connoisseur, “Kid is literally scared of it.”

“Mostly I see contorting propaganda pressing in around everything, the way advertising used to. Then I get to the stuff I want, like great tutorial videos, and occasional memes. There really is a wealth of fun and knowledge out there… it’s just that you have to wade through seven trash filled rivers to get there. It’s exhausting.”

Gary Macke says, “I’ve never needed antidepressants before, but over the last decade it’s gotten so much worse. After 10 minutes on Facebook, 10 minutes on Twitter, and another 10 minutes on Reddit, and I have to reach for the pink pills my doctor gave me. Sure, the pills make me want to do nothing but eat marshmallow sandwiches and stare at nude pictures, but I think I’m doing much better overall.”

The fact is, the old internet isn’t coming back. The future however is dialing in: in 20 years you will be able to use A.I. to create a seperate internet clone, tailored for the exact vibe desired. I will be able to do anything you want really, and you can suppress anything you consider trashy. Smart people are already anticipating another issue with that however. We see clearly that most people will create a worse internet than we are experiencing right now, evectively making them worse than they are right now. The A.I. will then cator to that, and in the end the internet will look and feel like a street riot version of Sesame Street on ice mixed with naked people.